Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.    Steve Jobs

I was on an evening cycle last week and came upon a chestnut. Yep, end of July, a chestnut. My first reaction caught me by surprise.  Oh shit! Back to School? Followed by sharp intake of breath. Then second thought ‘Chestnut?Already? It’s only July!’ The initial thought made me stop in my blissful happy cycle tracks. WOW! The power of such a small, seemingly simple and inconsequential little thing triggered an avalanche of thought and feeling or should I say feeling then thought as the feeling came first (that argument still goes on in psychological circles).

So I stopped, picked it up and processed my reaction (as you do in this business). First I appeased myself.  ‘Hey there is no school! It’s OK, you left school remember? You have another job NOT in a school.’ Then I asked myself what was SO bad about school that made me react this way? It was that feeling that took me by surprise, that DREAD. In my not so distant past it commonly descended on a Sunday afternoon in smaller doses during term time but reaching a crescendo just around the end of August. In fact August itself used to be like one long Sunday evening. Oh Lord! The relief! I had forgotten. But was it really that bad? What did I dread so much?

I wanted to pin it down, the Sunday night dreads. Was it the system? the regime? the rules, regulations, loss of freedom? the bell? the uniformity of expectations? the slow changing culture of this institution? the set formulae that as a teacher you had to succumb to (and I can only speak for certain countries)? Was it the top down archaic management system (as opposed to modern round table). The fact that this top down management was not always fair, worked on favouritism, nepotism and other seemingly acceptable corrupt methods of control (you were elected if you were in the GAA for example or were an offspring of a local successful businessman or just a local full stop)?Was it the selectivity?

One thing I knew, it wasn’t the kids, they were by and large one of the best parts. The actual act of teaching was also not a thing to dread but something that still excites me to this day. Yep, I had no doubt I was meant to be a teacher from the beginning and it is from this experience I have bagged most of my skill set to date. But why didn’t it work out then at school? Why not the 40 year career, with own staff room chair, own mug in cupboard, safe job and comfy pension to meet on the way out?

School, I always thought, was a reflection of what goes on at large in society. It’s all there played out in the staff-room and in the yard. There will always be the good , the bad and the downright ugly, and yes there is all that no matter where you go, but it’s amplified in the school. So much good goes on under it’s roof too though and I admire and congratulate those teachers who stay (and students) and fight the good fight. But change is happening too slow and I just don’t have the patience or tolerance for it anymore.

Along with the Sunday eve dreads and the August dreads there were the annual February-yard-duty-panics. Yes, for some reason near the end I used to get panic stricken out on yard duty around February time, freaking out wondering ‘is this it?’. This took a few years to happen before it eventually nudged me to get out. The signs were all there, and repeating themselves. I was no longer being fulfilled by this career. It no longer served me. I had stopped growing. Time to go.

So despite everything that kept me there for so long; the early finish, the long holidays, the ‘light’ timetable days, the utter sociable nature of the job (also a favourite aspect) , the having an impact on young lives. Weighing it all up though I was still out of love. And yes I found enough reason to stick with it for almost 25 years (like staying ‘for the kids’ in a failing marriage). But time was running out and I had to listen to myself and how I wanted to express myself in the remaining 15 years or so of my career life, on my OWN terms. And so I have left the school gates for the last time, waved it goodbye and headed out into the veritable unknown knowing deep down that whatever I lose from walking away I will gain tenfold in what I embrace of my own free will.

And so here I am working for less, but happier in a more round table management system where I am given a lot more freedom and that freed up energy has allowed me to explore more, to be more creative (which was my deep soul yearning signaled by the ‘dreads’ ) and in turn pursue my own business, the next bold step. In other words , to grow.

No more bosses! No more bells! Perhaps no more long holidays, but no more dreads.

Steve Jobs once said that most people live according to what others have dictated to them and they live inside that box. He urged us not to just live our lives but to build them, to our own measure not by someone else’s.

Wise words indeed.